The finest sit-down restaurants frequented by country people have extraordinary salad bars on Friday and Saturday nights. If you happen upon a country sit-down restaurant you must first “check out the salad bar” to determine whether or not you instead drive to the city for supper. Country people themselves have the added option of calling ahead to have the menu shared with them.
You may find “checking out the salad bar” to be unnecessary as every country salad bar includes exactly the same ten items. These items are iceberg lettuce, croutons, bacon bits, shredded cheese, French dressing, ranch dressing, thousand island dressing, pasta salad, jello salad and applesauce. However, by checking out the salad bar and thereby demonstrating your adeptness with country rituals you will put at ease all of the country people who are confused by the presence of a newcomer.
Do NOT go to a sit-down restaurant on salad bar night unprepared to answer the following questions: what is your name? where are you from? what are your parent’s names? what are your grandparent’s names? what brings you by? If you are from “out-of-state” you may be asked to sign a guestbook of some sort or have your picture taken. Also, be sure to get there early; country sit-down restaurants close at 7.
